its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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