I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
