Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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