im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
