A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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