But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
