Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
