sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
