I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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