She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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