Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this hospital has no fireball
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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