he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
