he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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