Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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