What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
