I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
