please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
