Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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