I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize