Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The air taste purple.
Randomize
