I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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