If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
