He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
