Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it hurts more in the daytime
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
