i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
