just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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