i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
