ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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