oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
