Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize