Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
