He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize