If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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