I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
