My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
