you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
