I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
