It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
