I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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