Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
