Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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