I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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