I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
