Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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