capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
