I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
