Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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