her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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