I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
