apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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