What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
