dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
