chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
