the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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