Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
