I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Send help, water and tortillas.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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