he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
