I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
