I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
