she looked like the before picture.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think your dad took our porno
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
