She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
did i just pee glitter
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
