haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
