I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When are your genitals available?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
