I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize