can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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