Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize