Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
