I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
soo... how was my night?
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