Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I know her cup size but not her name....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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