Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
