the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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