cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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