Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
