saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
