She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
