yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
