she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
