OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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