i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
